Sergey Streltsov.
The Infantilist.
Therefore all things
whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye
even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.
Matthew 7:12
ЂEtre sans savoir, ou savoir
sans être, là est le dilemme.ї
Vladimir Jankélévitch
1
All that Vadim
Leroux encountered since his birthday had put to him
new extraordinary profuse experience of life in law of maternal love and
paternal simplicity. Spartan boy he had sense of humor not against his weaker
ones and not to annoy his nearest. Mother, his first and only true love in the
world, gave him birth in second marriage, grieving about her first son who was
seized by unflinching sentence of Roman court in the custody of her former
husband, the chap of politics, and whatever about it, in Italy. Father of Vadim was well-educated American architect making his
private fortune in huge mansions for all kinds of celebrities. Money never was
a real problem for him, once idea cameЧ he had it cashed in, and then he
proceeded for new ones of the same fate of brilliance and tradability. VadimТs mother was of Russian origin, her grandfather
dashed to
2
Vadim was not fond of
his diploma from Harvard and shortly after graduation he, being seduced by
example of Bill Gates and alike chaps of almost purely digital and often
enormously huge income, fled to California with two senior and scholar-minded
friends to deploy his little private companyЧ built rather on thin loans from
wealthy friends than on family support. It was early 1990s and he was working
to produce the new system for Internet-to-come.
After two years of sedulous work,
days started storming into Californian house of Vadim,
as his project stopped to produce new ideas though of any delicate merit and
his team kept menacing him to swallow rest of his life time in the ping-pong of
loyalty to young master and back to
those faithful to him. Gradually Vadim understood
that he is no great thinker of New Age and unable to hit high in the values of
patent legislation. When he was nonetheless
about to obtain backing by mighty industry tycoon, his father suddenly died by
stroke in one day and left him the major part of bonds and savings.
Funeral urn was placed
according to the old manТs will into behind of portrait of latterТs in the long
before prepared niche. Mom said: sheТs leaving this house for good with nothing
on the hands, because she cannot live with ashes of man she adored under the
one roof and donТt want to become the unstable soul and then mentally affected
one. She declared her desire to live rest of her widowhood playing tennis
somewhere in
3
Then Vadim
left his company with feeling that hi-tech research world is on good for his
nerves and with strong wish to live alone and to marshal his thoughts about
life and all that comes along with its troubles and happiness. He started to
smoke more and to surf all the time through satellite channels, and not only
American but also Russian, for he happened to have little command of Russian
acquired through maternal way of dalliance with him that was enough to
understand the news and talk-shows, stuffed to the brim with motherlandТs
awkward appeal to give a try to great culture of ages to come and that that are
completely gone in obscurity of the past.
Easy packer he took his Sun
notebook, photo camera and notes about what to see for a first several weeks on
the new land. Boeing had jumped to the air and started to eat miles on its
course for
Sheremetievo-2 airport met him
in plain colors of international structure accustomed to send forth those who
love to and receive back those who need to. He took taxi. The road was bad with
pits covered with spring puddles. Taxi driver was very lovely Muscovite with
brown teeth of hard smoker. He teased VadimТs Russian
in friendly way and helped with checking in the hotel where prices were
relatively reasonable and service was something usual for decent foreigner.
4
First of all Vadim managed to buy his former familial property seized
decades ago by bolshevists. It was apartment on Ordynka,
the one of ancient
Another remarkable novelty of
life in
Moscow-Online shortly became the
giant with personal approach coming along to those in need, when its rivals
were mostly impersonal and unsympathetic. When all civilized world came to flat-rate,
The market struggles were
always object of interest to Vadim. Since his boyhood
he was eager reader of special literature about marketing which was bought on
occasions in special shops made by the time of his late-teens two shelves in
his room. These stratagems and exploits of now-a-days heroes made him feel himself being among those ones of ancient world. Strong
bodies and wild minds were replaced by bright education and unbeatable power of
will in lethal clench of mortals with immortal-like ambitions. They were gods
then by his young and full of admiration point of view, gods of new technology,
of new wisdom, and new social philosophy. Only when he himself turned out to
be, though just a little, but one of themЧ the mist cleared before his eyes,
and by degrees he felt poverty of spiritual meaning in his idols. They were no
more even human beings but only shadows out of filthy hell of their own
invention.
To millennium Vadim came as noticeable figure of Russian business fauna.
More loved than envied because of well-disposedness
to different people and accuracy in private relationship with all and sundry.
He even made a few good
friends especially among restaurateurs. The best of them were Nikolai and Anna Dumovs with their luxurious place Russkaya Duma situated on Kuznetskiy Most. They were warm-hearted pair of mid-thirties. Before being
converted to place of glasses and dishes, restaurantТs premises were held by
famous books-store for pre-revolutionary intelligentsia, then district station
of CheKaЧ revolutionary police forces, then laundry,
grocery, barbershop. And only before it had become restaurant in early
YeltsinТs era it was Red CornerЧ or, to cut long story short, the
meeting place for one of the new left parties. In the evenings, badly dressed,
grey-haired people came there to discuss how they would set up new Marxist
revolution, after cheap tea they sang folk songs to accordion, some marriages
between them also took their place and they were in the eyes of this awfully
poor and forgotten society their victory over injustices of this world.†
Specialty of Russiaya Duma was
ecclesiastic feasts of Orthodox Church, historically dominating congregation in
In such a way Christmas Eve of
2002 approached.
5
Russians celebrates Christmas
on seventh day of January according their Eastern or so-called Julian calendar,
all feasts of which take place 13 days later then in Gregorian calendar
maintained by Western Churches which are Catholics, Protestants and many
others. So about 8 pm on the eve of Russian Christmas Vadim
parked his sportive two-seater in nearest lane to Russkaya Duma and entered into the bar where he
met Nikolai Dumov, who immediately turned his face to
him with СHappy Christmas!Т in already drunk but happy voice.
СVadim, dear. I hope IТll have opportunity
to drink to your health through the night.Т
СLike host, like guest.Т
СSo do sit down and have a go
of Vishnevka.
Take a breath of this aroma. Luxury of cherry robbed by vodka
of its juice and freshness. Hey, You!Т Nikolai
turned to barman. СCall upstairs for chanterelles and reindeer ragout for my
buddy.Т†
Five minutes later on the
spiral stairs appeared Anna Dumova with tray fuming
with exquisite smell of elaborate and almost supernatural fashion. Vadim turned to welcome her.
СAnna, attaЧgirl! How you manage to stay in this divine form.
Your Nikolai is half-dead with your potations. They are supreme!Т
СLittle boy! Vadim! ItТs you the buddy he ordered this stuff for.Т
СItТs me, old girl.Т
СHow you always succeed to be
so polite with my wife?Т Nickolai smilled at Vadim.
Anna frowned at her husband.
СYes, so polite. And twice as YesЧ with
your wife!Т
Nikolai readily opposed this
attack on his master-of-the-house-ness.
СVadim,
my boy, it is always this way with these proud beauties!Т
Anna glowed at Nikolai with
tender smile.
СHubby, dear! We are married
since we were so high. But I pray donТt be the brute. I know you love to. But
one word more and you to be cut off the drinks and to
be chaperoned to office for healthy and sobering nap.Т
СYes, maТam. I got it! Wives
conquer all!Т
Vadim merrily applauded
to this scene of competing ambitions. Anna put the dishes on the counter before
him and put her well manicured hand on his shoulder.
СI say, you potty-dotty
American must to be married, too.Т
СWhy not! All
in due time.Т
СI have something for you
about it.Т
СAre you threatening me with inevitable
happiness ever after my acquaintance with this something.Т
СYes, boy. Awfully
Yes.Т
СWho is this faerie?Т
СVika Tatarinova.
You know her father.Т
СShe isnТt stupid like he, I
hope.Т
СNo. Our princess is even
improved copy of her mother both physically and intellectually.Т
СWhat I must to do for poor
child?Т
СHooligans punctured tires of
her Renault. So you must fetch her at Krasnoselskaya
and bring here.Т
СPip-pip. IТm burning with
Heavenly fire.Т
СAs CD burner!Т Nikolai shot off,
and blasted with laughter shaken to the core by his own timely crack.
6
Roads on Christmas were
covered with slippery slosh but Vadim got no care
about it. When his car rushed into
After the hour of senseless
speeding about the city, he had phoned to Dumovs and
said that he will meet Christmas in another company and wished them all to have
good evening.
The next week he spent in his
apartment on Ordynka. To say that it was nervous
breakdown is to say nothing. At once he discovered that he can weep, almost
without help of drink. He needed all that whiskey-vodka things to keep balanced
his shattered psychic. The telephone calls were at mercy of answering machine.
Food was provided by maidservant. Vadim was sinking
in depth of despair. And in one month he completely forgot about jail, but when
he closed his eyes he always saw rosy cheeks and bright eyes of little boy
flying away from his car. This picture was with him day and night, and when in
the April Vadim understood that he kept all the days
long chatting with the boyЧ he had to acknowledge that madness was engulfing
him.††††
His maidservant on the one of
these days which were lovely to the most of
On V-day Dumovs
had made serious and unexpected gift to him, they found old, patient and
skilful nurse from rehab, lonely woman in late fifties who happened to be good
cook. She opened to him world of medications for ever-boozy men. The droppers,
intravenous injections, and pills had made miracle and in two moths he was
ready to go to dacha of Dumovs at Nikolina
Gora, prestigious suburban district with villas and residencies of
Immodest house of DumovТs this time was boarded by noisy and dazzling horde
of their friends. Vadim was transported there in BMW
of Nikolai. Vera, VadimТs new maidservant and private
nurse, provided him with all necessary medications to keep control over his
broken-down soul.
Vadim settled in the
spacious room facing the garden and immediately climbed on the high bed and
fell asleep by weakness till the dinner. When he woke up, he shuffled to
terrace where found cold tea and sandwiches made from petty game. Profoundly
starving he sat on divan in motley upholstery with plate on lap and put cup at
his feet. Proud ravens marched along pebble paved paths cawing from time to
time.
СQuoth the raven nevermore!Т Said Vadim teasing the birds with would be most famous line of
American poetry. Then he suddenly heard female voice from the back door.
СWhere is all
the mob?Т
СI donТt know. God knows.Т He
turned back and saw pretty woman of twenty something.
СI mean, I am stranger in these parts. First timer on this
dacha.Т
СSo I am.Т
СYouТre friend of Dumovs?Т
СMy sister was schoolmate of
Anna. They invited me with her.Т
СBright idea. Girls must be
girls.Т
СI think anyhow- yes. When time is coming.Т††
СI am Vadim.
Bit American, bit Russian.Т
He extended his hand to her
for handshake.
СNadia.Т Said she softly,
shook his hand and sat in opposite chair.
She was silent about a minute
and then as if acquired interest to him asked.
СExcuse me, but I see you
donТt wear cross. You are not Christian?Т
СRather Christian. But out of
practice.Т
СI can tell you ancient
parable about one saint and his cross. I think it would be interesting for
you.Т
СIf you please.Т
СIn the desert for many years
lived one hermit. All his time was dedicated to prayer. And angel once came to
him and gave him heavy gold cross on heavy gold chain, and said to him that he
had to go to nearest town to preach the gospel. The man came out of desert and
approached gates of the town. There were many beggars. And they said to him
СGive us what you can.Т And he answered СI canТt give you money for I have not
money. I canТt give you my haircloth for your shame impedes me. And I canТt
give you my cross for everyone must bear oneТs own cross whatever it be.Т
СHe was smart guyЧ your
hermit, I mean.Т
СYou think smartness and
Christianity is incompatible?Т
СLook! But you must be
historian or something to prove it.Т
СYes. I am historian like my
father was.Т
СI understand.Т
СAnd you.Т
СMe? Recently I was internet tribes benefactor. Now nothing more than ill chap and what
is most hurtful quite unpopular with girls.Т
СWhy you think so?Т
СThat unpopular. Funny
question.Т
СI see. Excuse me.Т
7
In the next two days Vadim and Nadia often talked together. They made friends.
Nothing special but he took her cellular phone number. They began to meet,
usually once or twice a week, in different places. Martinis and oysters
completed its general duty, and he was informed that she was divorcee with no
kids and some money to live on. Decisive scene happened at Vadim
apartment. He proposed, and she didnТt turn him down. He wanted to explain all
his troubled soul to her, while she almost never spoke about her private life,
and particularly about her life previous to their acquaintance. He felt that he
must tell her about the boy he involuntarily killed. He tried and she listened
attentively and silently. When he finished† his tale, she was about to faint.
СSorry. I didnТt want to hurt
you.Т He said. СWhat makes you so pale.Т
СYouТre sure it was in Myasnitskaya at last Christmas.Т
СYes, but what?Т
СThen it was my son. My
marriage was broken shortly after the incident.Т
СNadia, dear. Why the life is
always like old-Greek tragedy.Т
СOh, thanks God we had not
slept together, IТd killed myself if we did.Т
СI feel myself like a damn.
Where your child was buried?Т
СOn Kuntsovskoye cemetery. Why youТre asking?Т
СCan I visit his tomb?Т
СLetТs go.Т†††
After the full of stops
driving through the
†††
8
Emergency ambulance did
nothing. Vadim could not attend the NadiaТs funeral
service. He was devastated by occasion. He could not drink and could not sleep
even with injections. He was eating almost nothing. He only cried quietly in
his bed. In this condition he passed the autumn. By the New Year he stopped to
cry and acquired steady wish to live no more. On the Christmas Eve he was
sitting in the chair with NadiaТs photo, which he wangled from Anna Dumova collection, in one hand and long before bought
revolver in another. Suddenly, his maidservant and nurse, came in the room. She
saw revolver and photo and asking no questions said.
СYouТd rather go to the
church. Now great feast there. Would be something come
around.Т
СWell. Very
well.Т Vadim echoed and stored pistol in
pocket of his jacket.
In five minutes he was gone to
the nearest church across the road.
In Russian Orthodox Church
there are only two divine services a year administering in the midnight, those
are correspondingly Easter and Christmas. It was something about
Deepened in these thoughts he
found out that this is his turn to confess. He approached the priest.
СI guess youТre new
parishioner.Т Said priest in tired by polite voice.
СYes, father.Т
СGlad you joined us. So letТs
talk about your sins.Т
СItТs no sins, itТs abyss IТm
sinking in. I feel the hell is in me. The day and night it punishes my
conscience, I cannot live on. Only thing I want is to kill myself.Т
СJust to live in
this hell eternally.Т
СBut what to do.Т
СJust confess your sins,
though only most hurtful.Т
СWell. First I killed little
boy in accident. Then strangely found his mother, and fell in love with her,
and proposed. She died. I never confessed in my life. Sorry, father.Т
СGo on.Т
СI have no strength to bear
along my existence, so sophisticated with dreams impossible to fulfill.Т
СI think youТre bit infantilist. But I wish you the best. Is it all?Т
СIТm so sorry of all my sins.
Bless me, father.Т
СBow the head.Т
Priest covered VadimТs head with the stole and whispered.
СAll your sins are absolved in
the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen. Kiss the
gospel and the cross on the lectern and you can go.Т
Absolution came to soul of Vadim as unexpected invasion of peace and easiness spread in
every movement of body and mind. He was calm and quiet and the same time felt
aptitude for something great and never anticipated before. It was unusual but
it was he the same man and simultaneously the different man. This new condition
got only one nameЧ the mystery being Christian. It seemed strange but it was
nothing else.
After Liturgy had ended he
exited church.
Vadim saw himself
outside of his body. It was new experience. People who were leaving Church had
crowded around him. He heard their voices. But instantly he discovered that
someone was behind him. It was Nadia, with son on her hands.
СCome with us.Т She said him.
Vadim gave her his hand,
and they ascended to the Heaven.
†